ugh

Well, I was in Tim Hortons today and a lady I knew from one of my community bands came up to me and asked me if I had a boy or a girl. That threw me for a loop. I was hoping that everyone knew by now about the baby. I guess not, so I had to tell her what happened. Just for those who might be reading this who know me in real life, I was pregnant and things were going well (I had already had one miscarriage two years ago) and I got my blood taken for some routine tests, it came back as a higher chance of the baby having spina bifida so I went in for a fetal assessment and the baby was perfectly fine except measuring two weeks behind where it should have. So, I was supposed to go in for a fetal assessment four weeks later but it just happened that two weeks later I had my regularly scheduled ultrasound. I had it when I was 20 weeks pregnant. At that ultrasound we found out that our baby had died. That sucked. And when I say sucked, I really mean sucked. It's like having your heart ripped out and handed to you. So, I had a few options but the only one that I was willing to go for was to be induced at the hospital and have the baby. The doctor did something in her office that was supposed to help things get going but it ended up sending me into labour that night. I tell you that labour is absolutely no picnic. It's about the worst thing ever. Especially knowing that your baby is dead. Anyways, I never ended up having to go to the hospital to have the baby cause I had him at home, and I got to spend some time with the baby before we took him into the hospital. When we took him there, the nurse cut the umbilical cord. Oh I forgot something. The reason my baby died was because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, twice, tightly. The nurse cut it and took some pictures, gave me a shot in the hip and the doctor checked me and the baby over. I got to spend a little bit more time with the baby and then we gave him to the nurse to take away. We wanted an autopsy and then we had him cremated.
I never ever want to live through that experience again. I still don't feel right yet. And it's been almost four months. I suppose though that you never are the same again. I really hope that we can have children one day. Soon. If not, I have no problem adopting, in fact, I'd like to adopt a child no matter what one day.
Didn't mean to make this long.
Oh well.

Totally just fooling around with the camera. I keep my hair really short these days, it's just easier than fighting with stupid bangs and stuff, plus when you have to wear a hat to work every day - hat hair gets old fast.
Meh.

and another one is started

Seriously, how many blogs can one girl have? I think I should post links to all my other ones so I don't have to write the same thing in them all!!!
I started this one because I have some university friends here and I'd like to leave them comments.
That's it for now.
Megan